Winging it.

When I was a little girl the biggest problems I remember having were if I got gum in my hair and I had to tell mom so she could get it out with peanut butter, my brothers scaring me with a vampire mask to the point I screamed bloody murder or the best one when my older brother Colby threw a pop bottle at me and it knocked out my front teeth.  Then when I was a teenager my biggest problem was I thought I worked way too much and didn't see my friends enough. Now my problems as a “young” adult are much bigger, worrying about money, school, doctors, cancer, tumors and relationships.  At work today I couldn't help but think about being a little kid, considering I work at a pre-school; life is pretty easy for a kid that childlike mentality is truly a blessing. When you’re little everybody is your best friend, mommy is always there to pick you up when you fall down and boys had cooties...  Now-a-days as a “young” adult, you have a handful of close friends, Mom is still there to pick you up, but boys definitely don’t have cooties anymore.

Lately, I sort of feel like my life has become one big blur. I wake up at 6 a.m. go to work from 7:30-3:30 come home talk with mom for a couple of minutes, go to my other job at 5-10:30 p.m. come home, get ready for bed , crawl into bed talk with my favorites for a bit on the phone. Repeat Repeat Repeat, I love my job don’t get me wrong but some days routines.. They just need to be broken. Therefore I savor the weekends, usually to catch up on some sleep, hang out with my family and of course seeing my other favorites.  Which means the weekends always end way too soon, and the work week comes way to fast.  In the last couple months my life was on hold, no school, no moving out to the big city, I couldn't even work there for a bit. But now it’s slowly coming back piece by piece I work all day every day and I love it even if it is a blur sometimes. But it definitely isn't what I imagined for myself even just a year ago. That’s the part about being an adult we can make plans but who the heck knows if it’s actually going to happen.  We actually have to make our own decisions, decide our own fate and life just happens whether we are ready or not. Honestly, sometimes it can be pretty scary not knowing what comes next, but it can also be exciting. I guess that’s where having a childlike mentality comes in, they are fearless they are always wanting an adventure. Isn’t that what life is supposed to be about though? One big adventure, nobody has a book on what is right or wrong we are all just sort of winging it trying to figure it out.

Right now, even though my adventure was on hold for a bit I finally feel like it’s starting to go again. It may have just taken me a bit to see it or maybe I just wasn't looking close enough until today at recess when my darling student jumped off something and I held my breath until he landed and got up with a big grin on his face.  We don’t always anticipate that something is going to happen to us, it just does.  People will walk in and out of our lives all the time; we just have to decide who we want to take on this adventure with us.  But as we go on this big, crazy, scary, emotional but oh so exciting adventure of life I’m starting to think maybe thinking like a kid isn't so bad sometimes.. because remember if you fall Mommy is there to pick you up, you’ll always have a friend to be with… but no boys don’t have cooties..

So even though… I am finally about to get my plans back in order and get to where I want to go,  I still have no idea what life is going to throw at me, the big problems will still come but really I am just sort of winging it..