You are stronger than
you believe you are. Don’t give up!
Yesterday
I arrived home from work tired, a little on the excited side to see some of my
favorite people but mainly just drained.
Some of you know and some of you don’t know that this summer has
literally been a living nightmare for me and the people I hold dear to me. At the end of spring semester I noticed my
stomach was starting to get pretty hard, told my roommate she thought it was
pretty weird too. Started to get sick literally all of the time, then pants
that fit my in April weren’t fitting me in May (as in tight on me). Needless to say when I went to the doctor the
first time they tested for an infection even did a pelvic exam but nope! No
infection or anything else wrong. But they still gave me pills to take for an infection
I didn’t have; went to a different doctor he immediately looked at my stomach
and thought I was 4 months pregnant. Which WAS NOT THE CASE! He checked my
blood work and what not sent me for a ultrasound the ultrasound tech was a
pretty cool lady was talking to me then all of a sudden stopped didn’t talk the
rest of the time. That night I was going on to dinner with my boyfriend and his
family, then I got a phone call saying I had a tumor, needless to say I went
home and cried like a baby to my mom. The next day I had to go in for CT scan
to see how big the tumor was they though it was the size of a volleyball…
little did they know. Within that next week I had to go get blood work done to
check for cancer some of the markers came back elevated I was not loving life.
FINALLY the day of
surgery, all I want to do is sit home and cry. Get there mom and big brother
Colby come sit back with me before the surgery. Colby has always been a really
calm person so having him back there helped keep mom and I at ease. Go in for
the surgery wake up and I have a whole clan of people waiting for me. Big brother
Trevor wasn’t able to make it until later that night but when he got there he
was the only one who ended up getting me to eat, literally spoon feeding me.
(Best family I have here if I do say so myself)
Without those 3 people I wouldn’t be who I am today so I thank them for
everything they’ve done for me. Then there is my boyfriend Tyson who spent
literally almost every time my mom couldn’t be home to take care of me on my 2
week bed rest period with me and didn’t complain at all the only compliance was
we had to watch ALL of the Harry Potter movies.
Anyways back to the surgery I have a huge scar to show for it, and the
tumor was the size of a flipping watermelon yes a watermelon. It destroyed my
left ovary, tube and inflamed my appendix so it all came out. I weighed 131 the day of surgery I now weight
122.8 a month later you figure it out.
Then I can finally
start going back to my normal life routine with some minor exceptions a few
weeks later. Then last week I get a
phone call “Hello is this Shayley Warner, hi Shayley this is so and so and I
know this is going to be a little shocking for you but... some of your tumor
came back being cancerous.” Now you may wonder why it was such a shock to me a
week before I had been called by another doctor telling me it wasn’t and now
this. Needless to say, when I tell my mom I break down in tears, I thought the
living nightmare was over. But no I wasn’t
so lucky. The doctor said it was a fluke
she even caught it she just wanted to see how much the tumor weighed, and found
the cancer. The other doctor had looked right over it. So now this Friday I go
through another surgery not as major to see if the cancer is gone. If it isn’t
I will be doing some chemotherapy, if it is I will be visiting a cancer
specialist for 6 years until they make sure it is all gone, for good. I’m pretty upset about it, I am going to have
more scars on my stomach it will look like a science project. It is going to
suck.
So… my summer it didn’t
go as planned it actually was the last thing that I planned. I’ve had people be
rude to me because it was “my fault” I got a tumor with cancer yes please
explain why I would want that then let me know. I am sorry that some of my
restrictions put a strain on you. I’ve had people say so you going to be able
to have kids or what? First off never ask someone that ever… it isn’t exactly a
conversation opener. But the best thing
is I am sorry Shayley I know how you
feel. Well thank you for saying sorry I really do appreciate… but I don’t think you know how I feel.
Therefore… maybe now that you have read this you may be enlightened but you
will never know how I feel unless you go through this yourself, and if any of
you who read this EVER have to go through it my heart goes out to you because I
would never want anyone to have to deal with what I am.
Now the big reason why
I wrote this blog for one I’ve pretty much shut everyone I care about out of my
life lately, because I have no idea how to deal with any of this I am doing the
best I can. For 2 I got a letter from a really good friend last night and the
last sentence of her letter said “You are stronger than you believe you are.
Don’t give up!” After reading that
letter I realized for a little bit there I had given up, but this trial is all
said and done I will really only be stronger.
So a big thanks goes out to the best mom I could ever ask for even when
times get tough she is always there right by my side pushing me along even when
I can’t do it. To my big brothers Trevor for always being the big old teddy bear
to me others may not see it often but he has the biggest heart and he has
always taken care of me and still does. To
my other big brother Colby who even though we still argue a lot he always can
make me laugh, and knows how to ease the tension when it is tough but also for
taking care of me still like he always has. To the boyfriend for putting up
with all the late night phone calls with me crying even when he doesn’t know
what to say he manages to make me feel a little better. To all of my wonderful
family and friends who came out to visit me and even if they couldn’t visit
called and kept me in there prayers and still are. The strangers who don’t even
know me but know a member of my family and have kept me in their thoughts; a
big thanks to my best friends (they know who they are) they’ve kept me laughing
and that’s a big part of staying strong. One last thanks to Kat your letter made me
realize that I couldn’t give up just yet.
As the saying goes,
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
